Beautiful lies

2012-02-15T19:15:00.003+08:00

I wish it would stop. All the emotions, the pain. THE PAIN.

I don't get it. How can someone be hurt so much?

I've tried to change, tried to help myself, but nothing works.

no one's here. just the pain

2012-01-25T15:26:00.002+08:00

Live happy. Live free

Ramblings of a 21 year old

2012-01-25T15:13:00.004+08:00

Why does it feel that as we grow older, we become more afraid. afraid of life, afraid of falling in and out of love, afraid of people, but mostly afraid to be hurt.

Why is it that as we grow older, we lose more friends.

Why is it that as we grow older, we smile less. We are so preoccupied with our problems that we fail to see the light.

As we grow older, we see people differently. we see life differently.

What is life to you? A circle of events? A daily schedule of work & play? Or merely just a pathway or a train that you can't seem to get off at any of the platforms?

Life to me is a journey. We have the power to light it up or see it burn down in flames. We have the power to maneuver it any direction we want. But sometimes, we have no control at all. We can only control how we react to it, whether we accept things and move on or we don't do anything at all and let our emotions eat the very little zest living inside of us.

perception

2011-11-19T23:51:00.001+08:00

when people say they like me, i don't believe them. i don't understand why.

when people assume the worst in me, it breaks me down.

sometimes, i don't understand myself, so how are you supposed to understand me?

2011-11-19T23:46:00.003+08:00

and that's why you don't see me.

2011-11-19T23:43:00.003+08:00

We all have a need to be accepted and loved. There's a desire to be who we are, to be able to express ourselves, to be understood. We all want to make an impact in someone's life, to be in their hearts forever. and we keep searching for that one person, to be who we are.

2011-09-04T20:00:00.003+08:00

The world is a scary place, or rather the people in it are.

Genuine, honesty, integrity, morality. Do these words mean anything anymore?

People are becoming more selfish and ruthless in their pursue of wealth. They go to all sorts of means to get what they want, even putting up a fake front.

Why can't people be honest anymore? Why can't they learn to treat others well? Why can't they just be nice?

Love yourself, like i love you.

2011-05-31T21:27:00.004+08:00

I guess I just have to stop comparing myself to others and learn to accept myself for who I am. To be comfortable in my own skin. To love myself. I deserve to at least give myself that.

2011-05-11T21:43:00.002+08:00

life is getting harder. happiness hardly comes by. friends are becoming bitchier. A's are harder to achieve. what's so great about life then? family.friends (some). YOU. LIFE.

2011-05-11T21:21:00.001+08:00

mmhmm :) Although I do constantly whine about not being beautiful, I do believe we are all beautiful in our own ways, as cliche as that sounds.

2011-05-11T21:09:00.003+08:00

Don't you hate it when your head and heart is all messed up, but you don't know what you're thinking, what you're feeling and even what to say? You just wished someone would just solve all your problems and everything will be back to normal? But the truth is, life doesn't work that way. Everything is within your reach, everything is up to you. Don't complain about the problem, fix it! Problems come and go, you can either ignore it, change it, or accept it. But what you do determines the outcomes.

I intended to write about being all messed up and ending up talking about problems, guess i rest my case. :)

2011-05-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

People change, but so do you. Sometimes for the best, and sometimes for the worst. Bad things happen to everyone, you’re not in it alone. people lie, and some people just don’t care how you feel. Your heart beats, no matter how much pain you’re in. everything will be okay. Eventually. There are always people in your life that just make your day, no matter the miles. i know about distance. I’ve been dealing with it all my life, don’t tell me it’s easy, because it’s not. But it’s worth it. I’d rather keep in touch with the people i love, than just drop it and forget about it. You don’t forget the ones you love. it doesn’t work like that. Give it all you’ve got and live your life to the fullest. People would kill to be you, have what you have, someone always has it worse off than you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t count.”

Taken off : lipstick infamy

messed up

2011-05-11T20:48:00.002+08:00

Our life changes, whether we like it or not. We live by the life cycle, the expectations and unwritten rules that once we are born, we have to go to school, university, get a job, settle down, have kids, and die alone. If we deviate from this path, people talk behind our backs, shun upon us and think of us as different, in a bad way. What they don't notice is that we have choices and we are not born to please anyone else but ourselves. Then why do people still live hidden in the eyes of others? Fear dominates us. I guess what I'm trying to say is the older generation have to realise that we, the current generation are not bothered of what people think of us and the decisions we make. It's a loss cause actually.

LOVE = PAIN

2011-02-25T22:18:00.002+08:00

This life...is what you make it. No matter what you are going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is, you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - They're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up; because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole. And that goes for everything; Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself. Because if you don't, then who will sweetie? So. Keep your head high. Keep your chin up. And most importantly, keep smiling. Because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

`Marilyn Monroe

Read this on Mun Fong's blog, and it struck me, are there perfect men out there? Were we lead to believe each one of us has a special someone waiting for us, or was that all a lie?

Only time will tell.

This is me.

2011-02-06T23:11:00.002+08:00

Sleep, or lack of it

2011-02-05T22:57:00.002+08:00

Do you go through the same thing that i do? Lay in bed for hours, trying to fall asleep? Before you know it, it's already 4 in the morning, and you have to wake up in less than 3 hours time for class. So, what is keeping you from falling asleep? The endless thoughts that seem to make you ponder upon your life? The fact that it's too cold? Or the pillow seems to give you a headache?

I hate thinking too much. Even when you're telling yourself not to think, you're actually thinking about not thinking, and the process goes on and on, and you give up. During those hours before you do eventually end up falling asleep, you wonder, are you truly happy? what are you doing to yourself? It is also during those times, you wished you had taken chances you passed up, you thank god for the perfectly average life you have, you thank him for blessing you with a perfect body, a perfect family, and friends. I believe we are too harsh on ourselves at times, we should learn to look at our perfections instead of our imperfections. We worry about the way we look, the things we say but truth is, people eventually do look pass our beauty, they forget what we say, but they will never forget the impression we left them. We should learn to love ourself, we should treat ourselves better. I think we all deserve that.

i wish

2011-02-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

i wish i could speak my mind without being judged,

i wish i could tell you whats on my mind,

i wish i never felt this way.

i wish :

2011-01-27T23:01:00.002+08:00

I don't know why.

I'm just kidding myself, being stuck in this rut.

Instead of getting myself out from this situation, i'm digging deeper and deeper

in the end, it'd be my loss

i know that, but why am i still headed that direction?

2011-01-19T19:12:00.004+08:00

For some reason, I've been feeling rather messed up these days, literally and not literally. Perhaps, I just need to recollect my thoughts. yeah, perhaps. But why does it sound so tedious? I need to vent, and i shall vent soon.

A New Year, A New Beginning

2011-01-17T22:57:00.003+08:00

So, this is my first post for the year 2011. 2010 was kind to me, but frankly, i can't remember much of what had happened. I know I was emotionally weak, and busy i suppose. Well, one thing which hasn't changed these past year is my awful memory. If i really spent time thinking about it, I'm sure I'll be able to remember bits and pieces of it, but everything felt like a rush, everything flew by so quickly, I could hardly live the moment.

This year I vow to be emotionally and mentally stronger, and I need to learn to let go of the past and the people from it.

Till then.

2010-10-11T21:56:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday!

You're definitely one of the best things that has ever happen to me in my life!

I still remember the first time you left, i cried my eyes out. But i was used to it in a day or two.

The next few years, every time you left, i didn't cry.

But last year was different, i remember curling up on your lap on the way to the airport and silently weeping.

Today, it's your birthday, and for once, i'm sad i can't be there to celebrate your special day. We haven't been celebrating it for the past 4 years. I can sense the tears coming on.

I just wish the best for you, you have no idea the amount of respect and love i have for you.

Can't wait to have you back. in 2 months time.

2010-09-22T17:27:00.001+08:00

i no longer care if i come second best or last

for i know even by being the last, it's not worth it.

2010-09-21T21:29:00.001+08:00

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Consider it my luck or misfortune, but i have no one who would take the bus with me.

2010-09-17T19:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i don't get it. There I am, asking for the truth and you've been denying it for years. And now i actually have evidence, or so to speak. You guys are exactly alike. This would have hurt me in the past, but now i'm kinda glad that I was right. I was the substitute, for we are alike.

2010-09-15T20:45:00.002+08:00

If i could have one wish, i would like to be in Monash right now.

Very tempted to take Bachelor of Psychological Science and Business.

But then, i would waste one year of my life, but will always be filled with feelings of regret.

I could change courses, but then what if i don't like the business aspects of it?

Why can't Monash just have bachelor of psychology?

Now there will be a constant feeling of regret and sadness deep within me.

2010-09-14T22:22:00.001+08:00

whisper to be heard,

disappear to be seen.

2010-09-14T22:21:00.001+08:00

i am

a) a misfit in the family

b) a misfit in society

c) both

one last wish

2010-09-13T22:40:00.003+08:00

So much is going on in my head, but nothing much around me. I feel this deep sense of disappointment, regret, anger and mostly jealousy in me. I can't help but think of the what if's and why not me? But in reality, there's nothing much i can do. I am this way, they are that way. Perhaps, i wasn't lucky enough, perhaps i wasn't blessed with much, perhaps i'm not being grateful or perhaps i brought this upon myself. Either way, there's nothing i can do, i am stuck with who i am. People may not appreciate me for who i am (in my head anyways) I know nothing, about where i stand, and many other things i wish i could disclose here, but these are my inner thoughts which can be used against me. At the end of the day, I just want to be happy, but i'm not, and that saddens me. What does it take to me happy? Beauty? Brains? Friends? I've got to do something to fill the void in my heart, to get over these feelings, to be happy.

2010-09-10T12:31:00.002+08:00

I feel like a lost puppy. My calendar is so packed and messy, that i do not feel organized. I see long days and late nights ahead of me, and i'm not even procrastinating. I don't know where to start, how to start. Can't start on design because i don't have the software, can start on mass comm but i know nuts about anwar ibrahim's case, i could study business admin? *sigh* Can't imagine what second year will be like :S Off to take a long shower to clear my head and continue my work. bye!

2010-09-07T21:54:00.003+08:00

Prepare to be amazed :D

me gusta! tres guapo

2010-09-06T20:37:00.001+08:00

sometimes i try to hard,

but now i don't feel like trying at all.

every effort spent was worthless,

i am never the favourite,

so i'm done trying.

2010-09-02T22:16:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow marks my one week back to uni after 7 weeks off. So far i'm pretty much hating it. When I first started i was informed we would only have classes 3-4 times a week. But i'm now coming for classes every single day :( It doesn't help that i no longer have 8 o'clock classes. I'd much rather have a class at 8 than 10 since parking is such a big issue. If you come at 9, there will be no place to park. And the subjects i'm taking isn't very appealing; Design, Business Administration, Mass Communication and one core subject. I already have 10 assignments which i am aware about. I'm already so tired :'(

5 NEW facts about me!

2010-09-01T00:53:00.004+08:00

1. I hate the rain! I still remember, every morning, whenever it rained and i had to go to school, i would think of ways to avoid going to school, even tried making deals with god to make it stop raining. Think faking a stomach ache, or just feeling tired! it always worked :) I just love hot sunny days!

2. I have trouble sleeping nowadays. I'll just lay in bed for hours, and not fall asleep no matter what i do. My brain won't just shut up! I used to be able to sleep in the afternoons/evenings, now i can't even do that, no matter how i tired i can be.

3. I have one superstition. If you tell someone about something which has yet to happen, it won't come true. Tested and proven!

4. I have a sudden liking for the colour peach and turquoise!

5. Sometimes i'm so bored, i download games from Yahoo!

and his name was sam

2010-09-01T00:33:00.005+08:00

I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, but realised that even after an hour, i just couldn't sleep. Anyway, while in bed, i couldn't help thinking about the one year i spent at Taylor's doing my pre-u. I was just thinking about how privileged i am that i got to go to a private college to do my pre-u, and now degree. While I was in Form 5, most people were busy applying for "matrix". Till this date, i have absolutely no clue to what it is. Is it a programme or a college? As I was saying, most parents were ready to ship off their kids to a secluded place in another state, but not my parents. They were willing to spend about 30k (including transportation, tuition fees) just on pre u which only went on for 10 months. My grades were average, better than i had expected because i don't think i deserved it. Throughout the 10 months spent, I was never interested in studying, except for Biology, and for that I have to thank my teacher, Ms Cheang, who sadly no longer teaches there. I used to get A's for Biology, i just absolutely loved it! But i made a couple of mistakes along the way. I missed classes, class test, practical exams while i was holidaying in Australia and also while i was quarantined for H1N1. I also had picked the wrong subject combinations. In South Australian Matriculation (SAM), we had to take 5 subjects, out of which 2 were compulsory - English as a Second Language (ESL) and Mathematical Studies. For the remaining 3 subjects, i picked Biology, Chemistry and Accounting Studies. I decided to give Accounts a go because most people say its easy to pass, but boy was i wrong! To me, it didn't come naturally. As for picking chemistry, that too was another mistake. I never liked chemistry back in school, and i still don't. If i could do it all over again, i would have still picked Biology, Psychology and maybe Chemistry or Law. Either one.

Regarding the course itself, i do not regret taking it despite having to rush through covering syllabus, studying for class tests every 2 weeks or so, and completing assignments. But, sometimes i do wonder if i would have scored better if i had pursued A levels since the syllabus is about the same, and instead of studying it for 10 months, you get to do it for 1 and a half years. Moreover, you only need to take 3 subjects. Maybe i did make a mistake, but it's too late now. I'm happy with where i am today and what course i'm currently pursuing. I even actually feel like studying chemistry and accounts just to see if i can truly get it this time around.

2010-08-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

genius.

Poverty. Beauty. Life

2010-08-24T22:21:00.013+08:00

The world fascinates me in ways one can only imagine. It well mostly saddens me nowadays. People have changed. Wants have changed. Rules have changed. Living has changed.

Everyone (i'm referring to the vast majority) is so focused on chasing after wealth that they fail to see the true meaning of life. Sure, money is important, very important in fact, but it isn't everything. There should be a balance between pursuit and happiness. We have failed to look at things beyond their face value. We have become so shallow to the point that we don't acknowledge it. Same thing applies to beauty.

Everyone wants to be with someone whose beautiful. Then what happens to those who are not blessed with lustrous hair, sparking blue eyes, and perfect physique? Don't they deserve a chance at love? As cliche as it sounds, we have been told from young to not judge a book by it's cover. But we all still do. It's those skimpily dressed women who get wolf-whistled at, it's the "perfect" women who gets ogled at. It's also all these cheap calls which determines a women's beauty, and it's the wrong way. The media paints a false picture of the way women should be - think Jolie's lips, and Johansen's physique. It's all these taunting with perfection that has made women less confident, unless of course they have been blessed with good looks. It's time to look at what's on the inside. So, you may have a trophy wife to parade around with, but your glass is less than half empty.

Conformation is another problem faced. No one is brave enough to speak their mind, to act out their thoughts. Most of us are too afraid of what others will think of us, and i'm no exception. We've been molded into the way we are today because of the government and the way society expects us to behave.

Just the other day, i was wondering how the poor manage? Everything is becoming so expensive nowadays, that even the rich feel it. So, what about the poor? How are they surviving? Take a look at the roti man, or babu as i call them as a sign of respect. Are they making any money at all? Does anyone buy bread from them anymore? It's depressing as it is someone's income. Someone's sole bread and butter to feed their family, to raise their children, to ensure they get a better education and more opportunities than they had.

My point of this whole rant is, life is what you make of it. Sometimes, it doesn't go your way, but that doesn't mean you should quit. Take it as a challenge, as a learning experience. For i believe, He will have mercy on us at some points. Oh, and respect women ya'll!

Oh and to those who call Indian and Malay workers "kuli", you should be ashamed of yourself. For you have no respect for others.

Bromance :)

2010-08-22T14:21:00.001+08:00

2010-08-15T23:59:00.001+08:00

watching the game naooo!

2010-08-15T22:39:00.000+08:00

love that face!

2010-08-14T17:47:00.000+08:00

to be cont'

2010-08-10T16:56:00.006+08:00

I do. I think it takes a lot to like me. To handle my mood swings, to handle my surprisingly evil mind, and my sarcasm (oh yeah, it kills) My point is, it takes a lot.

There are many a times, i want to go up to people, and ask them if they genuinely like me, but i'm a wuss, i have no guts to face the unbearable truth. I expect the worst. Because I don't think i'm nice. I'm selfish, but i will go out of my way, thats if and only if i like you. I scrutinize people, i see their worst and their best points, and more often, i focus on the bad side. It makes me feel inferior. It makes me feel powered, it gives me a reason to hate.

But at the same time, I am nice, but only if you are nice to me. I treat you the way you treat me. I trust people easily, but when they give me a reason to not trust them, i build a wall. A wall to protect my heart. I've been through a lot, and sometimes it's best to be the bigger person, and let it all go and not say a word. Many a times i bite my tongue, i don't say what i think, thats why i'm here. No one can handle the truth these days. Not many can speak the truth, and i'm one of them. We're afraid by speaking the truth, we'll ruin friendships.

When i try to think of the time i wasn't nice, many scenarios conjure up in my head. Well, not exactly not nice, but moments where i build that wall, moments when all i want to be is left alone, so I ignore the people around me. The times when the crowd pleasers are busy pleasing others, i think of myself. Maybe it's because I don't like those people, so i don't bother? Maybe that's why i'm like that. And when i try to think of moments when i'm nice, it's usually when i help strangers, where that extra smile goes a long way. But as I type this, i'm just becoming more and more confused. Trying to locate old memories of me being nice, and nothing comes up.

I don't know myself. I can't distinguish whether i'm nice or not. We all want to be nice, we all want to liked. But i'm neither, and somehow that is fine by me. I've been placed in this situation for a long time, that i don't expect much. But i'm still hopeful.

A heavy load in my heart.

2010-08-10T16:37:00.004+08:00

Making a stand, picking a choice, is it that hard? If you've been through something bad, why do you keep going back? Why do you put a big fat smile on your face and pretend you're okay with everything? Does it help you win the crowd? Help me understand here, cause i don't see it that way. The way i see it, you are not trustable. Who knows you are doing the same to me? Be honest with me, cause i feel it. But why choose those who have failed you? It may be working for you, but it's not for me. The way I see it, you are still standing strong, being the crowd pleaser, but you're weak, not be able to make a stand. To not be able to make a choice. People may see you as nice, by forgiving others easily, but i see it as being taken control over, because they are not changing, you are. I no longer know you, i may not say it to you, but i no longer like being around you. Hence, i built the walls. But i will not go on pretending everything is alright, i will not be you. A little honesty would be good, but i'm not alone in this, and to me, you are nobody. So, stop pretending, at least to me. You may go on putting your little show for the rest, just not me. I do not appreciate it.

Change

2010-08-06T17:17:00.007+08:00

Change, it's good but most people resist change. They see change in whole different perspective. Try and see it from my viewpoint.

I for one, have always hated it when friends state you have changed, they say it with a tone of disgust and hate, but don't let that fool you. Change is good, it helps you grow,you change when you learn from your failures and success, you change by looking at others, scrutinizing their mistakes and what works for them, you change with time, being placed in various situations. So, don't resist change, no matter how others try to instill their values and viewpoints on you, they are actually taking away little pieces of you, you lose yourself. Don't let anyone take it away from you. We have to keep reinventing ourselves, in order to catch up with the world, in order to get what you want. In order to be happy.

I have changed a lot this year. My parents see it, my friends see it, I see it. Some may not like it, but I do. The change works for me. Looking back at last year, i can't help but realise how stupid and immature i was. This year, i'm more refined, more cautious, more matured. I see the right and wrong in certain issues, i see the need to be emotionally stable, i see the need to be cautious when choosing to get close to certain people, and i see the need to be task oriented. And no one can take this away from me.

so for all those who've said i've changed and complained about it and hated it,

screw you! from the very bottom of my heart.

2010-07-30T16:31:00.002+08:00

can't keep this silence

knowing the truth or the lies

it's the same

i know what i've got to do

no thanks to you

2010-07-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

you got that right!

2010-07-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

*giggles*

2010-07-22T23:30:00.001+08:00

*stares in awe*

no one looks good with a pacifier, expect you nando

Top 5 reasons to be on the Torres team

2010-07-22T16:02:00.009+08:00

5. He looks more like a brother than a father

4. He's such a sweetheart

3. His expressions are priceless

2. He has such a beautiful smile

1. His bitchface is the shit!

his football skills? does not need to be mentioned, goes without saying!

2010-07-21T22:47:00.002+08:00

i spent about 6 hours on tumblr, nonstop.

end result: 800+ pictures of torres.

this is unhealthy.

i can feel the love slowly fading away, too much for one day.

i was never one for the commitment.

who am i kidding?

i eat, sleep, breath torres!

i'll see you in my dreams, nando ;)

2010-07-21T11:55:00.001+08:00

please stop being so perfect,

it makes my heart ache :(

2010-07-21T11:48:00.002+08:00

Olalla is one lucky girl!

so is Nora.

*jealous*

2010-07-21T11:45:00.000+08:00

how cute! must.stop. obsessing.

Vamos El Nino

2010-07-18T21:18:00.003+08:00

no post will be complete without a picture of.........

i love just who you are,

you are my favourite.

Food for thought

2010-07-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

word. happens all the time.

2010-07-18T21:14:00.000+08:00

i used to have these as a child :D

brings back goood memories!

I am nobody

2010-07-18T21:02:00.003+08:00

I'd like to believe that there's someone out there who understands how i feel,

who shares the sames views and values that i do,

who wants to do his/her part for the world, just like i do,

who wants to make a change,

who seeks companionship,

who understands every tear, every smile.

but for now, i am alone, i am nobody.

2010-07-18T00:51:00.000+08:00

i would be that cup any day!

this is what i call love

2010-07-17T23:02:00.003+08:00

your freckled face,

your constant change of image,

your imperfections makes you perfect.

2010-07-16T23:08:00.002+08:00

HAHA!

stop being so sexy, you're distracting me!

2010-07-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

*hyperventilates*

you'll never walk alone!

You're bringing sexy back!

2010-07-16T22:04:00.003+08:00

No one makes me feel this way.

Look at those hips!

You make me smile

Get your sexy on!

Come here El Nino!

2010-07-15T18:44:00.000+08:00

why hello there handsome ;)

Facts of life

2010-07-15T15:04:00.000+08:00

1. Sometimes when we help others out of goodwill, it is easily forgotten.

2. Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

3. When you're young, everything feels like the end of the world, but it's really just the beginning.

4. Expect the unexpected.

5. Learn to forgive yourself. We all makes mistakes, we learn from them.

Torres Fever

2010-07-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

Okay. I should stop stalking Torres and go to sleep.

2nd last paper TMR :(

p.s as we speak, i'm listening to his voice *swoons*

2010-06-30T19:53:00.001+08:00

Ohh, and i failed to mention i hate the rain. I love hot sunny weathers! :D

It's sweet how whenever i'm log in on MSN, people yet come to talk to me despite appearing offline most of the time. It shows how people trully know who you are, or more specifically your habits.

Facts about me!

2010-06-29T15:06:00.005+08:00

1. I hate the smell of toothpaste

2. I squint a lot, especially while driving.

3. I can be surrounded by people and yet feel lonely. Sometimes, i'm surrounded by people, and all i want to be is alone.

4. At times i'm glad i have short term memory because bad memories are not remembered, but at times, i wish i could really recall certain scenarios.

5. I'm living in a world i don't know who to trust.

6. I can't stand shallow people.

7. I'm a changed person. I'm more achievement oriented, but still equally paranoid.

8. I'm all about food! You can't see it, but i am.

Till then!

xoxo

2010-06-13T19:55:00.000+08:00

2010-06-05T18:12:00.001+08:00

right now, i just want to go home :(

2010-05-26T23:06:00.003+08:00

sometimes people avoid certain questions, certain situations.

and in those little moments, you know who they really are,

and you feel cheated.

is it because you let yourself get attached? or did you really value what you share?

sometimes, it's best to not get attached, and be comfortable being alone,

it's a dog eat dog world, no one's going to be there for you, they all want something in return, not everyone, just merely some.

we have to be smart, and just keep that wall between us. and one day you will look back, and realise you did the right thing.

2010-05-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

it's all bullshit.

nuff said.

fyp

2010-05-24T20:56:00.004+08:00

no one truly understands who you are.

sure, you have friends, but do they really know you?

there is always a part of us kept hidden away,in fear of rejection.

so they don't really know you now, do they?

we all long for that special someone where nothing is hidden, where you can be yourself,

but what if you don't? you'll end up feeling lonely and sorry for yourself cause you're the odd one out,

they are tightly knitted, and you are the one whose left behind, who doesn't get all the inside jokes, who doesn't have that special bond, the one whose just there just because she gets good grades. so are they just using you? or do they genuinely like you?

but why is that? why the drastic difference? is there anything you can do?

sometimes the truth stares at you right in the face, and yet you choose to ignore it.

2010-05-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

2010-05-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

Modelle

2010-05-14T18:04:00.004+08:00

When i think about what i'd like to have or achieve,

I sometimes compare myself to others who have it,

which makes me feel depressed.

But when i think about it closely, and compare myself with others who don't,

I feel grateful that i had the opportunity to pursue my dream

Even though it was short lived,

I'm still grateful, as others never got to experience it, and i did.

2010-05-12T15:44:00.006+08:00

Sometimes i can't help but wonder what my future will be like. There's that constant fear of not being able to achieve what i want, not being able to fulfill my dreams, and not being able to get out there, and do what i want.

We make life changing decisions which we may regret or change our lives. Life isn't as easy as we hope it would be. We all need to be reassured, that life has much more to offer. That we have plenty to look forward to. But what if, not everyone is destined to have a better and easy going life? What if, we have everything, and some sickly disease or a sudden death experience which takes it all away? Only time will tell. Till then we'll just have to take everything one step at a time and stop worrying about the future. Or at least, try to.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to being a toddler, with nothing to worry about?

2010-05-12T15:10:00.000+08:00

grrr...you and i we have a problem.

2010-05-12T15:06:00.003+08:00

there's that unfulfilled desire,

there's that unobtainable dream,

then there's reality, the present,

which reminds us of what we can do,

instead of wishing for the impossible.

2010-05-12T15:02:00.001+08:00

as we look out of the window,

we see strangers passing by,

we see the city brightly lighted,

we see ourselves out there.

2010-05-10T20:54:00.001+08:00

she's a fighter.

who never looks back

2010-05-03T22:45:00.002+08:00

it never ends does it?

and life doesn't throw you lemons all the time.

2010-05-02T22:24:00.001+08:00

at times like this,

all i need is someone to talk to,

a shoulder to cry on.

at times like this,

i realise there's no one around me.

2010-05-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

where are you?

2010-05-02T22:15:00.002+08:00

tonight, i'm standing alone.

left wondering

about my existence.

about my presence

does it make any difference?

will it make any difference?

will anyone cry when i'm gone?

will i be missed?

yeah. thought so.

2010-04-29T21:59:00.001+08:00

it's all over

and it feels good :D

2010-04-28T12:05:00.001+08:00

tonight, this city shines brighter than others.

tonight, we dominate.

2010-04-20T15:19:00.000+08:00

On hiatus.

Finals this sat!

peace out

2010-04-15T18:26:00.002+08:00

every single move you take upsets me.

but it makes me stronger.

it makes me realise, whose nice and whose not so nice.

i could stoop down to your level,

but i believe in karma.

i believe in taking the high road

and i will fly high, higher than you can ever be.

2010-04-05T22:16:00.002+08:00

i'm sleep deprived.

desperately need a break.

letting go.

2010-04-02T02:02:00.002+08:00

I'm stronger than this,

I'll never stoop down to your level.

2010-03-29T22:16:00.002+08:00

i don't understand these tears.

i don't know how the heart can hurt this much.

i don't know anything.

2010-03-26T12:31:00.002+08:00

i just spent my Friday morning in bed, watching episodes after episodes of Grey's Anatomy.

feel so lazy right now :(

to the lifeless loser who broke my car window,

i wish you well.

you picked the perfect timing.

right after the day i just got it.

ring my bell

2010-03-20T19:21:00.004+08:00

Strangers give me hope

2010-03-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

feels like i go out of my way for others,

and the favour isn't returned.

die bird die

2010-03-18T18:09:00.001+08:00

there's a bird outside my window.

it keeps singing the same tune over and over again.

the one thing i hate more than cats, are birds.

and there it goes again

and again

2010-03-18T15:01:00.002+08:00

I have 3 lab reports on the line.

I have 2 presentations coming right up.

Will be mia for a while.

stranger danger

2010-03-14T15:23:00.008+08:00

you can't always have what you want.

Attachment to people, to material possession only leads to suffering

but you'll always remain a part of me

a part you never got to know.

and that's my biggest regret.

you're the stranger i love.

you're the thrill i seek.

you're the future i crave for.

perhaps someday.

i'm still hanging on to this little fantasy of mine.

2010-03-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

and never come back.

2010-03-12T23:21:00.005+08:00

I lie on my back,

breathing in the harsh reality of life.

listening to the silence that we all have grown accustomed to.

and wonder about life.

about our existence.

about our absence.

about ourself.

i'm my biggest critic.

i scrutinize every single perfection,

turning them into flaws.

it's no wonder i'm unsatisfied.

2010-03-12T23:14:00.001+08:00

whisper in my ear.

tell me everything is gonna be alright.

2010-03-09T23:29:00.002+08:00

you're my fire and ice.

i'm your jane.

you're my reason.

i'm your oxygen.

you're my fantasy.

i'm your future.